A piece by a friend.
‘I’m outside. Let’s go do something fun!’ I texted Jasmine and almost immediately she rushed outside her apartment and hopped into my second hand Audi A4 and I drove off. Jasmine’s hair was tied up into a knot and we were both clad in pajamas. “A park?! Are you out of your freaking mind?” Jasmine screamed at me. I did not say much, just led her to the swings with that ‘trust me’ look written all over my face. After a while,we were sprawled on the grass breathless. “I hate to admit it but that was awesome,” she finally admitted as we gazed at the stars trying to catch our breath.
In the blink of an eye, the weekend was over and it was time for business; school.The fun and games were over, Sean was back from his mini vacation with his family and it was back reality. Monday lessons went by with teenagers nursing hangovers from the weekend parties. At lunch time,the cafeteria was buzzing with activity as people caught up on the latest gossip from the weekend. I was just glad that I could see Sean but he hit me with a ‘Hey, can I talk to you for a second?’ before I could do my usual dive into his light blue eyes. As we got up from the table, the girls gave me suggestive looks as they usually did so I just rolled my eyes in response.
We walked along a path in the school until we reached a bench on the west corner of the school. He stood there as if he was contemplating whether to tell me whatever was weighing him down then he took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Emily look,” he started. “You know I love you, right?” and just like that I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach because nobody ever says this unless there is a but coming right after that with a lot of bad news. I nodded slightly as I waited for him to continue. “I’m sorry but I want us to end this…” In my head we were perfect; everything was good, all fun and games. We haven’t had a fight in ages so this all hit me rather unexpectedly. ‘It’s not what I want,’ was the vague reason I was given. With a stern look on my face I said, ” I don’t believe that.” With a cold look on his face he almost growled but managed to look calm when he said, “you really wanna know the real reason? Emily, you’re just too much! Too sweet, too nice and too generous! It gets boring to be honest! I cannot deal with that. I am sorry to dump this all on you but I could not continue like this.” Just like that, the truth was out. It was like I had just had a hot slap across my face because I was in so much pain. All that could slip out of my mouth after this was a low pitch and vague ‘ok’ response from my mouth.
A couple of weeks after we broke up, I saw him. He turned around and looked right at me but said nothing. Not even a hello. It was as if the months we had spent together, the time I spent loving him were not enough for me to get at least a hello. As if we never happened. I don’t get how people can break somebody’s heart and be okay with it because I for one was not okay. Sometimes I would try to reassure it to myself and to Jasmine by saying I am out loud but the truth was I was not okay.
Nonetheless, as the days proceeded, I felt myself changing. I don’t laugh the same no more. My smile isn’t real anymore and I even talk less. My confidence is at its all time low. That lively and bubbly girl is slowly withering away. Finally it’s night time and I’m all alone. I realize how lonely I really am and that I have no one to talk to. Going through our old conversations, my heart sinks deeper and deeper. Only my tissue-box and pillow understood what I was going through. I’m staring at myself on the mirror, tears streaming down my face,hoping they wash away the pain but I also know that they will not. It is then that I re-think my answer. Was I fine to begin with?
Numbing all of my emotions, I seek salvation at the bottom of a vodka bottle.
Written by : Stephinah Newman