Phone on flight mode, moon on bright mode, mood on silent, mind on overdrive. It’s 02:27 and I’m alone. A different thought races through my mind every minute. It feels like time is on hold as I keep on checking the time and it shows no significant improvement. Is it me or does it feel colder than it was a few minutes back? Or is it the anxiety kicking in? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m wondering what my greatest fear is. I don’t know how I drifted from ‘I should go to school I got school’ to ‘what do I fear’.
So what is it that I fear? Matter of fact what is it that you fear? Do you ever wonder about the insecurities you have and wonder why can’t they just float away like a helium-filled balloon. Out of everything there is one thing I’m sure of; THE QUIET SCARES ME. Weird I know right? But it does. I feel most lost when I’m quiet. When I’m there all alone, no music, well okay sometimes with music, I feel scared. Is this what death feels like? Does it feel like you’re all alone the entire time? A pit of darkness? Idk. But I am sure of one thing, darkness also scares me. It does not scare me like a little boy who refuses to switch off the side lamp because of the boogymonster under his bed. No. I’m scared of the dark because it shows the ultimate form of loneliness and quietness.
But what’s the moral of this story most of you must be wondering. I don’t let my fears stop me. Infact my fears are my drive, my engine, my motivation. As soon as it becomes too quiet, my fear acts as a motivation to stand up and get productive. Even writing this blog was because of the fear of being idle at night and thinking about the loneliness, haha. So let your fear drive.