I can’t…smile

Walking down the 7 foot wide corridor of the same school she had been in for the last eleven years, it felt tedious. As this thought developed more and more inside her head with each second being a realisation of how still her life had become, she stood stagnant right in the middle. Her thoughts had taken over her body and she stood there lifeless with very few people paying attention to her. Everything felt like a routine for her; wake up, check her Snapchat, brush her teeth, send a Snapchat, take a bath, put on her uniform, skip breakfast with a lecture from mother about the importance of breakfast, get to school right before the bell, make it through the day, go back home, do some assignments, go through Instagram for a couple of hours then bed at eight and do it all over again the next day. It was the routine, each and everyday of her life. She despised the routine with all of her heart but there was very little she could do about it because at the end of the day her parents were always going to be on her about the importance of school. What annoyed her the most now was that even at school she could not have the freedom to choose anything of her own. The subjects were selected for her at the end of Grade 7 according to how she did in her Grade 6 examination which was utter nonsense. She had very little control in every aspect of her life and this was probably the root cause of her entire sadness.

“Move s**t! You cannot just be standing in the middle of the hall like a little weirdo,” said someone at the back of her who woke her occupied mind up. She slowly began to walk up towards her locker, not even once glancing back to check who had been rude to her because it wasn’t the first time and probably wasn’t the last time someone would disrespect her in the school. Opening her locker, she could not seem to stop thinking about how her life had become such a boring affair with rare moments of fun, doing things she does not love and filled with so much negativity around her. She had been name-called before by a couple of boys on campus and surprisingly by some girls. Ironically, most of the things she was called were not true. For starters, she had never dated anyone from the school and had only one ex-boyfriend who lasted more than probably all the people were calling her names’ relationships combined. The problem began when she ‘started growing boobs’ before most of her schoolmates. This meant that all the boys in her grade were focused on her while most of the girls hated her for this.

“Well thank you very much for hating me just because these popped out earlier than yours!” She yelled across the hallway with her hands on her curves and tears rolling down her eyes. She was looking directly at the girl who had said the mean words to her, Sandy Trappma, the entire time as she said those words. Everyone went quiet and they all spread to the edge of the hallway leaving Laura face to face with Sandy. For a split second, it felt like a Mexican standoff because the two did not flinch for a split second and kept eye contact. This was the first time she had responded to anything anyone had been saying and this time it looked like she was ready to fight. Sandy was startled by this and just hurried on her way to the science lab as she did not know what to do in such a situation. Now she had totally became the psycho of school who was jumping everyone who talked to her, well according to people who were in the hallway when that happened. No one really saw how badly she had been treated and how she had been taking it. It had been a terrible high school experience for her with her car even being egged thrice in a some week. THRICE! Once is bad enough but think about washing your car 3 times in one week because you blossomed before everyone. Bare in mind that she was a student getting her car egged, not the headmaster, just a normal student. Only person who had even made an effort to just be her friend without any sexual intentions was Matt, well probably because he was gay but still he made an effort with her. They had become close recently and became closer the time when Matt’s father passed on 3 months ago. When his father passed on, Matt needed companion and guess who was there for him; Laura. Even though her life was not all the best, the few rare moments of happiness with Matt or with her novels were what Laura clung onto the most.

During her darkest days and darkest time, she would remember the times when she had friends. The times when all the girls were not rude to her and people took her as any other girl. The times when school did not mean much and it was not a depressing feel to go to school each day doing subjects she was not into. The moments when everything at home was fun with her older brother still around before he passed on. Now all she has to hold onto is rare moments of happiness and cling onto memories from back then. Her happiness had been sucked out of her life so much that she doubted she could ever been happy. Everything was so awful and because of everything that had been going on in her life, she started dreaming about the end of it all. The moment when she would not feel all this pain. Her darkest fantasy was getting hit by a truck and everything going blank after that. For a while it felt like it was the only way that she was going to ever rest her mind or soul until one eventful Friday afternoon in the fast-food joint…

“Laura? Right? My name is Smith. I am pretty new and I was wondering if you could show me around…” He said with a warm smile on his face. The kind of smile to lighten anyone’s darkest moment.

‘Why me? Why now? Why you?’ The thoughts in her mind continued running wild at the endless possibilities and questions to why he chose her out of everyone. She had just faced yet another Valentine’s day at home watching binge watching her regular list of ‘chick flicks’. They were her only hope of feeling something deep within her and to her it was not as sad as it seemed to other people because it might more to her than any school day. Since it was after Valentine’s, it meant that Smith wasn’t looking for a random hook-up, or rather an obvious one since she could never tell with these things. During the entire time when she was thinking about everything, she had not yet replied him and he was looking at her perplexed wondering if she was alright. Could this be it? Could this just be the guy to give her hope? To give her a reason to smile? “Well Smith…”

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