What do you hear in the darkness? Do you like the way your heart beats? Or does the loneliness and the thought that this is it scare you? Is listening to your mind scary because you’re afraid of your thoughts? Is it thoughts we fear or the fear of not fearing that we really fear? Is it better than yesterday? Is it better than last year? Do you see some progress? Either negative or positive? What do you feel?
Pulling out that notebook from a year ago to take a look at how much progress you’ve done. The book has nothing special to the faint-hearted but for you it has more than just a few sentences.
It is scary looking in the mirror
She held my hand for the first time yesterday.
I slept without weeping last night
I showered without music tonight
Just 4 sentences in an entire notebook. Each sentence growing with strength after the last. The first was just a stupid way to start writing. The second reminded you of how it felt when she held you. The way your heart skipped a beat when you walked holding hands. The third reminded you that even if you may have sad times, you can also have happy ones. One sad day doesn’t mean the end of the world. The last one is an achievement. You managed to face your biggest fear and it isn’t even about the music. It is about the ability to run that shower without any fear.
For David, telling his psychiatrist all of this gave him joy and pleasure. It left his parents confused but sometimes as long as you understand what it means and it’s significance to you, who cares? So a year had passed since all that mess with his life and it was his last therapy session today. Now switching on SAD! by xxx, he closed his eyes and drifted into a happier place. With that, the hope of a better tomorrow grew in his mind.
“One day at a time David. One day.” He said to himself right before he slept.